Whatever you thought this post was, you are mistaken, I’m sorry to disappoint. I’m not going to tell you, in order to find ‘your person’ you need to; go get your hair done, buy a cute outfit, or commit to a gym membership. Instead I’m going to say to shift your mindset from focusing on this missing person, to focusing solely on yourself. I believe that a lot of circumstances in life come out of the type of energy that we put out or emit. Hate to sound woo-woo, but when you give off desperate vibes, you are sure to repel others. And that most certainly goes for romantic relationships.
If you haven’t followed for long, my husband and I met at school, randomly one day while we were both in unhappy relationships with other people. [Before meeting Roberto] I remember feeling frustrated with where I was at, had already made up my mind that I was just going to be single, get on with it and focus 100% on my education and setting myself up for a successful career. I honestly remember coming into class that day with a DGAF attitude, on a mission to make something of myself, and out of literal nowhere, I meet my future husband. When you’re not forcing your energy, you attract the things you desire.
Since were here already – the cliff-notes, back-story of our relationship thus far:
2008: met each other at university after I stole his seat in class (in my defence, HE was LATE). It was an instant connection, love-at-first-sight kinda thing, so we very quickly became friendly, broke off both our relationships and started talking on the phone. That being said, we didn’t rush on anything! Let me remind you, I’m still laser focused on making something of myself, so a few short months after first meeting and building a friendship, I took an internship opportunity for the summer in New York and our plans of dating got put on hold. TBH, that was probably the best test. It felt terrible to be missing someone so much – having just built a connection and then to suddenly just duck out for 3 months. It was hard, but ultimately, it showed us both that we literally couldn’t live without each other, so he picked me up from the airport in August of 2008, and the rest is history.
2013: got engaged in Honolulu on the beach, on the morning after New Years’ Eve & came home to our own first apartment! You have to understand, for the last five freaking years, we had been hiding out in our bedrooms at our parents house after 10pm when I would get out of school (after working all day). So, having our OWN place was huge. It was such an exciting time, we had also started doing some small renovations to our kitchen & bathrooms to make things our own.
2014: I started my blog in January of 2014, but was still working at an Ad agency at the time.
2015: got married in my late Grandfather’s garden, with our friends + family. It was the happiest, most perfect August day.
2017: after a few years of consciously searching, we picked up Xavi at the start of the new year, from the snowy mountains of Princeton, took him home and settled into a family of 3.
2020: found out I was pregnant in November after feeling off and taking a random pregnancy test. When I saw it read ‘YES’ I was SHOCKED, but sooooo over the moon. We chose to not find out the sex of the baby and honestly, that was the best and ultimate surprise of my life.
…and now, what you came here for, but not really… anyways, here’s my advice for finding ‘the one’..
MY ADVICE FOR FINDING ‘THE ONE’
STOP LOOKING: stop what you are doing and redirect your energy, completely. Wandering around aimlessly, hoping to meet your prince charming isn’t going to happen on this frequency. What you’re really doing is sending out desperate vibes, and honey that’s a quality that no one’s into. Turn your search ‘off’, and take a step back. The minute to stop looking, is usually when the good ones show up!
GET BUSY: instead of sulking around feeling sorry for yourself, why not use the free time to your advantage? Relationships can take up soo much time, and IMO, unless it’s the right one, it’s not worth the investment. Make yourself the priority and get busy booking up your time doing things you love and that will help better yourself; book in a boxing class, take some much-needed hang time with your girlfriends, organize your apartment etc. I think the more you can keep your mind busy with bettering yourself, the quicker things will align for you.
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH GOOD PPL: who make you laugh, preferably. People who help you see your potential and cheer you on. Anything less than that, just isn’t worth your time.
DON’T PLAY THE COMPARISON GAME: the last thing you should be doing is obsessing into your phone, taking note of the where everyone ELSE is at in their lives. I know that society tries really hard to make everyone feel like they have to have x, y, z checked off the list by x, y, z timing, but that’s just not true! It definitely takes guts to do things your own way, in your own time, but at the end of the day all that matters is that you are doing what is right and makes sense for YOU. End of story. Learning to be comfortable and confident in yourself take practice.
KEEP AN OPEN MIND: I think no matter how hard the road travelled may feel, it’s always best to keep an open mind. Being open-minded keeps you open to new possibilities. It’s so easy to stay closed off, but being open-minded keeps you open to new possibilities – not to mention, you might miss the chance at potentially meeting the right person for you.
WRITE OUT YOUR WANTS: I feel like everyone wants the perfect partner, but no one wants to BE the perfect partner, leading to uneven expectations. When you flip that thinking and start to focus on the kind of life you want to live, what kind of partner you want to attract, it’s easier to see where you (too) could use a few improvements.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF: when you place a high value on yourself, others will too. When you don’t, others will too… Taking the time to take proper care of yourself sends the message to the outside world that you care deeply for your body, mind, health & well-being. Besides, what’s more attractive than someone who takes care of themselves?
I get asked for advice on dating, marriage & finding the one all the time but the truth is, I don’t think there is any secret. It really just comes down to what you choose. The choice is yours.