IMO, the biggest mistake anyone can make in their life is to settle.
And since it’s Valentine’s day, I thought it was an appropriate topic for today’s blog, since I know that days like today can bring up a lot for some. And for good reason! But this post is for you…
Life and how we live it has become sooo vastly different from any generation before us, I can totally see how it might feel to not be maybe where we thought we might be. It’s the classic timeline were all thrust upon, go to school, get a job, keep a steady relationship, marriage, kids etc. But quite honestly, if it were me (single) – I’d rather be single and self-loving, than to settle for someone who just doesn’t cut it. The pressure is REAL. And I can also understand, especially for women who want to have a family, this pressure can feel even more intense. I can sorta see how people fall victim to settling (for someone that’s not fully aligned to their highest ask). But my advice is…
DON’T EVER SETTLE!! Like ever!!
To settle in a relationship is like ordering caviar, but getting handed a stale plate of pizza and just going along with it for fear of being rude. You’re not happy, but willing to make the “best” of it. And I’m saying, if you had a choice, WHY settle??? Everyone deserves to be and feel loved in a happy and supportive relationship. Don’t keep dating the douche-bag who treats you poorly just because you’re 29, and afraid of being alone. If he’s not pulling his weight and treating you like the queen you are, then GOODBYE SALLY!
After 36 years on this earth (15 with my husband, 8 married) I can see how this ONE decision creates a domino effect in my own life. That one decision makes such an impact on everything else and if that one decision was made unconsciously, it could lead to a lifetime of unhappiness and honestly, there’s nothing worse than that! Not even being alone. I’m a big believer in self-love and taking care of oneself. I believe only WE ourselves, can fill our own cup – not the other way around. Once you see your own self-worth, it’s hard to settle for anything less.
For whatever reason we aren’t taught about relationships, and how this one relationship in particular could make or break our lives. Not to sound dramatic or anything, but it’s the truth – both of your lives are completely intertwined, assets combines, sometimes kids are involved – it can get messy. Something I feared after my own parents divorced after (what I thought was) 30 years of happy marriage.
I’m starting to ramble, but my point is this – don’t rush. Take your time. Do things YOUR way. Who cares what anyone else thinks, they aren’t living YOUR one & only life. Have an honest conversation with yourself about what you want, need, MUST-HAVE in another person and stick to your guns.
Despite how people would rush or push things on my husband & I, we took our damn time. We met in 2008 at university and dated for 6 years before getting engaged or moving in together. Once we got engaged, we waited to get married for almost 2 years, and once we were married, we waited another 6 before having Ryder. None of it was on purpose, but you’d better believe it was intentional. I wanted to feel loved, supported and seen by my significant other and I have to say, that before all else, we built a solid foundation of trust and friendship. We dated each other for many years and spent those years discussing what it would be like to blend our lives. We expressed our individual needs and the things we felt to be important, where we wanted our careers to branch off, what we thought about family life, discipline, values etc. We took our time to make sure we were on the same page. We didn’t rush on things just because of how many years we’d been together or our age.
Not everything works out, that’s forsure. But one thing I know is that settling for less than you deserve never did anyone any good. You owe it to yourself to reach for what you really want.
In your own time.